Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Scurry Stuff!

I find myself sitting in a rather chilly room listening to the white noise of an exceedingly dusty floor-fan, the din broken only by the caterwaul of the occasional passing freight train, reading a number of different articles about a number of various scary things, from movies to books to video games and beyond. As such, I've found my brain in the certain kind of condition conducive to compiling a list of my very favorite spooky things. You are traveling through another diatribe, a diatribe not only of sight and sound, but of mind; a journey into a tedious land of subjugation. Your next stop: Sean's Brain!

1: The Twilight Zone (TV Show)

          So, remember that one time when that dude was a bank teller and he was all Gosh, I sure do love reading, but his boss was all Nuh uh, you'd best be gettin' to tellerin', and then he went down into the vault and there was, like, this huge explosion, or whatever, and everybody died except him and then, like, he totally had time to read all the books he wanted, except he tripped and broke his glasses and then he couldn't read any books at all and he was like But, there was tiiiiiiiiime! but there wasn't time cause that dude was super blind and couldn't read squat? Yeah, that was awesome. So is this show. All of it.

2: Marble Hornets (YouTube Series)

          If you've ever heard of the Something Awful Forum myth of Slender Man, Marble Hornets is where it really took off. A low-budget short film series, Marble Hornets follows the exploits of some college kids as they try to make a student film, only to repeatedly encounter the Slender Man, a spindly featureless suited entity with malevolent intent. While the series isn't particularly complex and the later videos are a little so-so, watch this by yourself at night and its sure to give you the kind of heeby-jeebies that'll have you sleeping with a night light on and the curtains tightly drawn.

3: The Collected Works of H.P. Lovecraft (Print)

          Yeah, maybe this was on my best books list, but come on, there are few things out there quite as terrifying as the kinds of cosmic horror Lovecraft so skillfully... crafted. We're talking the kinds of ancient and forbidden horrors that will disembowel you, or, if you're really unlucky, you'll survive only to be driven completely and utterly insane by the things you've seen and known. The dude was so prolific in the creation of this genre that it's now known as "Lovecraftian horror." That's a win in my book.

3.5: Dagon (Film)

          Based on a combination of two of Lovecraft's short stories, Dagon and The Shadow Over Innsmouth, this film follows Paul Marsh, Miskatonic University sweater-wearing stock market tycoon, and his girlfriend, Maria, as they and a pair of friends are shipwrecked off the shore of a small Spanish town called Imbocca (a play on the Spanish words for 'in mouth'). Paul and Maria go ashore to get help, only to find that the town seems all but abandoned aside from a few rather strange, unblinking, near-translucent  residents with bizarre religious practices at a church of the Esoteric Order of Dagon. And things go from there. While the acting isn't so great and the special effects are mediocre, the film boasts an interestingly creepy story line and one of the most bone rattling murder (by skinning) scenes I've ever had the fortune of seeing. For the record, the rest of the film's violence is minimal.

4: Dead Space (Video Game)

          When a response team is sent to investigate the Ishimura, a derelict mining vessel in high orbit around an alien planet, they find that the greater portion of the crew has been brutally murdered or rendered insane by a collection of freakish monsters, called necromorphs. Separated from the rest of the response team, lone engineer Isaac Clarke must make his way around the ship repairing its vital systems and defending himself from the creatures. There's a scene in this game when the player must walk down a long corridor toward their next goal while, at the end of the corridor, you can see the shadow of a man repeatedly and deliberately bashing his head against a bulkhead. It was the one scene in the game that made me feel legitimately uneasy. While the rest of the game is plenty scary (relying on jump-out-and-grab you scares and the terror of being stalked and charged by nigh unstoppable freak-beasts), its the moments in between that are really spooky.

5: Pandorum (Film)

          Dead Space, but movie-style... sort of... Pandorum is the story of Elysium, a starship intended to colonize the Earth-like planet Tanis. But, when two crew members wake from hypersleep, they find that the crew they were intended to relieve is nowhere to be found and bloodthirsty beasts roam the corridors. You can pretty much figure out the rest. Oh, also there's space madness (basically a ridiculously intense version of cabin fever), that they call Pandorum (I know, spoiler alert).

6: Thinking About What Might Be Lurking Out of the Corner of My Eye Within Every Single Dark Crevice, Alleyway, Bush, Shadow, or Otherwise Whilst Walking Home By Myself in the Middle of the Night (My Imagination)
          I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

7: Jurassic Park (Film)

          I know, I know; Jurassic Park isn't scary. Oh, wait. It is. Scary awesome, that is. Also, when I saw this movie in theaters, I was six and it terrified the bejesus out of me, especially the scene where Newman gets attacked by the Dilophosaurus (the little guy with the frills who spits acid). I legitimately had nightmares for years because of that scene. Lame, perhaps, but no less the truth.

8: Australia

Apart from the fact that this country/continent was founded by criminals so gnarly and uncouth that the U.K. didn't want them anywhere near civilization, every single feature, creature, or otherwise on this death island wants to unceremoniously destroy/devour/defile every single molecule that does, has, or will ever be a part of you and your existence.

Other Notable Scary Things:
A. Tape Worms (Parasites in General)

B. Oprah

C. Bees

D. Hospitals/Slaughterhouses/Sanitariums (Operational or Abandoned)

E. Mimes/Mime Offspring

F. Carnies

G. Juggalos

H. Drowning/Burning Alive/Awkward Family Get-Togethers

No comments:

Post a Comment